Surprise Me, God

UBC "Fall Retreat" #2

2005-11-13T12:13:00.000-08:00

So at midnight we all met at the rock and discussed our experiences in the labyrinth. It was so awesome to hear the different experiences everyone had. A lot of people were impacted most by a different section of the journey than others... I think that's really cool... it really mirrors life.

So I stood up, said my name and how long I have been going to UBC. Then I told what impacted me most in the labyrinth. There was a station where we were told (in beautiful words that I will not attempt to recreate) to think of what is hurting us, what others have said or done to hurt us... and to write a word or draw some sort of a symbol (there was a notebook with a pen) the represented this. Then, we were to do the same for whatever we have said or done to hurt others.

I might add that as we go on this journey, as we do each section, someone else is probably doing the same thing beside us. Wherever there is one sheet of paper describing the station, there is a duplicate sheet of paper a few feet apart so my friend and I were doing each station at the same time.

Back to the station... so we were told that God forgives us for what we have said and done and that he forgives others for what they said and did to us. And that it's time for us to forgive others and for us to let go and forgive ourselves too. So, we were faced with a choice. We could take the paper with us or throw it away in the trash can that was at the station. I had no problem throwing it away. I really don't have much of any problem forgiving and forgetting. So, I crumbled mine up and threw it away. There was one thing on that paper I had not completely forgiven myself for and I was glad to have finally given it up, but it still wasn't difficult... I just needed it to be brought to my attention.

However, that is not the part of the station that impacted me. What really mattered is that my friend crumbled his paper before I did, but I had already started the next station before he threw his away. He held on to that crumbled up piece of paper for so long. He was having such a difficult time with it, but I moved on... I saw that he crumbled it up and I assumed that he was done with it, that he was fine. I think I do that in life... when a friend has a problem I help, but when they say "Yeah everything is ok now" I just take their word for it because when I get rid of something it really is over, I do it right then. But with them, they haven't even begun to truly let it go... and I already walked away. I should have helped him along the way, not continued on my own. I should do this in life... help, I mean. We aren't on this journey alone and it is NOT a race. The journey is probably best taken slowly so we can get the most out of it. The more people we help, the better... the more we can learn. I'm glad I learned so much on this journey too.

Hearing all the individual experiences really made me realize how God works in our lives... and how he works in mine. That is the story I told UBCers at the fall retreat and I thank each and every one who shared their story.

UBC "Fall Retreat" #1

2005-11-12T10:20:00.000-08:00

Friday night I went to the UBC Fall Retreat, which was actually held at the SLC so more could attend. It was free, which made it possible for me to attend (Thanks, God). When I walked in with a friend of mine, we had to sign up for a time to go into the "Labyrinth," which was described as a sort of prayer journey or meditation. We signed up for the first time in room #2.

We read the description and entered the room. It was dimly lit with Christmas lights and the room was full of calming music. A maze-like path was taped out along the floor (there were no wrong turns though, no dead-ends... labyrinth style, you know). Throughout the path, sheets of paper were set at "stations." I took off my shoes and set them aside along with my purse and jacket. We began our journey.

I think I will keep the full journey to myself, but it was such an awesome experience. It really taught me to look at myself and see myself as a child of God. It taught me that before I can even know what God wants me to do in life, I have to recognize and ignore, or rather set aside, all else in my life... everything distracting me.

So we completed our journey and I think I came out with a weight off of my shoulders. After that, my friend had to leave, but there were plenty more UBCers to meet and have fun with. I ended up playing Knockout with quite a few until the pizza arrived! Mmm...

The story shall continue in my next entry

Love God, embrace beauty, live life to the fullest

Overcoming Weaknesses: A message to Mr. Leach

2005-11-11T08:47:00.000-08:00

An E-mail from my mom:

Lee,

I just read your blog. It's beautiful. I hope you don't let comments from total strangers get you down. It's amazing how some people can assume that they have some kind of deeper understanding of God's word than the rest of us and for this guy to assume he can explain the death of a truly Godly man is beyond belief. There are things we will simply not understand. The only thing we can do when life confuses us is trust in God. That's it...plain and simple. We try our best. We mourn. We cry. We love. This guy has no special relationship with God and no clearer understanding of anything than the rest of us. He can pontificate all he wants. His ignorance can't be covered up and reading his lengthy diatribe is a waste of time and energy. The bottom line is, don't let this guy get you down or stop you from being you. You are an amazing young lady. You are smart, giving, caring, honest, sincere, loving, and much too nice of a person to tell this guy off. Ignore him. You're amazing, Christine. I'm very proud of you and I know that you will make the right decision. You are a very good person and strong Christian woman. As a Christian, you know that we can't explain or understand these things. Kyle was a good man and he will be missed by many. All we can do now is move on and try to spread the love of God the way Kyle did. That we can do in loving memory of Kyle. What better way to show how he affected our lives? In his short time with us, he made a great impact. Don't let the one guy who posts a message stop you. So, if you want to post this message go ahead. I'm your Mommy. Let me handle this jerk.

An open letter to Mr. Leach:

Instead of giving unwarranted advice, perhaps your time would be better served elsewhere. You write that we should "Rely only upon the Lord your God, not man...". That's the one thing you got right. Therefore, I'm advising my daughter to ignore your message. You are simply a man. You have no insight as to why God took Kyle Lake when He did. Your attack on someone in mourning and your uninformed opinion reeks of ignorance and cruelty. My daughter has always sought guidance from our Lord and will continue to do so. If you ever feel the need to post a message to my daughter, don't and if you do, your ignorance will be ignored. You are not worthy of our time.

Rebecca

I will continue blogging. I realized that my quitting is actually letting my weaknesses take over. Hopefully, this man will realize what his cruel words almost did. I pray that he will think things through before he says them and that he will take this one great piece of advice from God, Jesus, and the bible... to LOVE. The theme of love is so strong in the Bible... it is in the ten commandments, there are even full chapters on love. The bible does not say to criticize, it does not say to hurt and attack other Christians... it says to LOVE them. Therefore, sir, I love you. And I hope you can love me too. I am sorry for calling you ignorant and I am sorry that I was so upset with you. I understand that you have disagreements with me, but I ask that you not barrage me with hurtful words. If you disagree with me, kindly participate in debate. There are so many different ways people interpret the Bible. People stress different parts more than others, people ignore other parts. If you think I am doing something wrong, please confront me in a neighborly way about it because arguments are not taken seriously when they are attacks. If you have a serious argument it should be nothing confrontational, simply a scholarly debate. Thank you for your time and thank you for helping me learn the lesson that I need to overcome my weaknesses and never give in.

As we approach this week, may we LOVE God, embrace beauty, and live life to the fullest. (KL)

Confusion

2005-11-10T20:59:00.000-08:00

I haven't been posting for a while because I'm not sure if this is right. I'm not sure if I should be posting this publicly. Maybe some people should, but I'm not sure if I should. Also, a comment made on the first entry of mine gave me even more reason to stop posting these publicly. See the first post and you'll understand. I think this will be my last post. I will continue my experiment. Actually, I think I will incorporate "Surprise me, God" into my prayers even after the experiment.

Love God, embrace beauty, live life to the fullest.

Surprise Me, God: Day 3

2005-11-04T18:16:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was day three of "surprise me, God."

I awoke in what was honestly a bad mood. I was kind of upset for missing my first class and I really let it get to me even though I was trying to not let it get to me. However, I went to my second class and a guy seriously busted out into song. No joke. He sang the love medley duet from Moulin Rouge, which happens to be one of my favorite movies. He sang both parts and danced around. It was amazing and it made me realize that I need to take every opportunity to seize the moment and truly sing and dance... literally or figuratively. I need to show others the joy in my heart.

Throughout the day I had the love medley stuck in my head (I still do) and that kind of kept my spirits up, but I was kind of stressed out because I had a lot of work to do along with a meeting and a presentation to attend. It was an extremely busy day, but I still learned a lot from it. I can't let these days get to me... I need to keep singing and dancing or I'm not living life to its fullest.

Love God, embrace beauty, live life to the fullest.

Surprise Me, God: Day 2

2005-11-03T20:49:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I awoke, "Surprise me, God"

My day went on as usual until chapel. On stage was the band that was at UBC Sunday. They played their set exactly as Kyle would have wanted it. They even played Coldplay. We rejoiced and the band just... rocked. It was Kyle's music and the auditorium was just filled with celebration. It was perfect.

I left chapel and on my way to English everything was just so beautiful. I breathed in every breath, took in every sight, heard every sound, looked into the eyes of each person... and I was thankful for every bit of it. Just thankful for life... I really finished my greiving and came to appreciate everything. I've never felt this way about life before... I looked at every leaf, felt the importance of the color of the sky. This feeling remained throughout the day.

Later, I realized the importance of being yourself... I don't know how, but suddenly it just hit me. Being anyone other than myself is insulting God... it's saying "No, you didn't make me right... I'm going to be like this instead." We can't do that, we have to embrace who we are... be what God made us to be.

There's no time to close our eyes... we have to appreciate every second of every day or else we aren't living life to its fullest.

Love God, embrace beauty, live life to the fullest <3

Surprise Me, God: Day 1

2005-11-01T21:23:00.000-08:00

I slept through all of my classes this morning and by the time I woke up, it was time for Kyle's funeral. I found someone to drop me off at the church and I joined the others in mixed mourning and celebration of Kyle's life. At the funeral I cried a lot. But I wasn't questioning what happened... God's decision, you know. It was more crying because of the pain his family and UBC are going through and crying because of what the world is missing out on. In one week out of his life, Kyle made more of an impact than I have made in my entire life. So, there needs to be a change. If I can make as much of an impact in my life as he made in a single week, that's amazing... but he's gone now and I'm going to have to try harder than that. Because he can no longer actively do his work, it's time for me to do it for him. I need to live the rest of my life like he lived his... and boy did he live. God spoke to me during that funeral and on the walk home... I need to live as an example for others and I need to focus my life on God.

Later in the day, I walked to the library and on the way I focused on the beauty of the world. Each breath I took really made me feel alive... not only that, but I felt like Kyle was there with me... telling me to live my life for God. Telling me like he always did "Love God, embrace beauty, live life to its fullest." It's time for me to do that.

I downloaded Kyle's sermons from the UBC website. I listened to one of them and I made the decision that this year I need to read Kyle's books.

This day has been a day of realizations. Mainly of realizing the changes I need to make. I hope to come out of this experiment a new person... one more like Kyle, more like Christ.

Remember Kyle Lake

2005-10-31T12:06:00.000-08:00

Yesterday in church, Kyle Lake died. Being there, seeing it, losing him made such an impact on my life. We were supposed to start our "Surprise Me, God" series that day and today I heard the author speak... he was at UBC Sunday too. I know that God wants me to do the "Surprise me, God" experiment... and for God, for Kyle, I will. So, for the next 30 days, I will begin each day by saying "Surprise me, God" and I will accept everything God throws at me and I will journal it.

Something tells me my first surprise started Sunday.

Pray for Kyle Lake's family, UBC, and the David Crowder Band. Pray for everyone who saw the tragedy. Pray to be surprised.